I know this title speaks volumes 'Single parents' but people need to expel the myths of single parents.Whats it like being a single parent?Why are you a single parent?Single parents expect taxpayers to pay for them-this I absolutely disagree with unless you know the facts.We're back to people tarring everyone with the same brush!My point is?Everyone has their own story to tell reasons why they ended up as single parents and not through fault of their own.Things happen in life that you have no control over but the way I've learnt to see it is these things are sent to prepare us for better things to come.It makes us a person and forms part of our personalities and how we percieve things in life.
Basically I think I should start from the beginning maybe from when i was a child.Theres a lot of hype that your childhood is what moulds you and prepares you for adulthood and the real world.Your parents are your role models and they teach the values of life and what to expect in life BUT what if you didn't grow up within a family with 2.4 children house and cars?
I grew up in the care system from the age of 3.I'll always remember my mum dropping me off in that home with my baby half sister who was only 6 months old at the time.My mum was 16 when she had me and single parents were frowned upon especially teenage ones.I can remember seeing her a few times then I didn't see her again.It was quite a large family I was staying with in a 3 bedroom maisonette.There was me my half sister two teenage boys a teenage girl two younger kids and childminding kids.Things were really bad which I'm not going to go into but things happened hence i got moved to another family at the age of 10 who adopted me.That was the last i saw of my half sister.
At the age of 17 social services showed me my file and police were involved you get the picture.At that age i had a lot of demons to deal with but looking back its made me a better person,more understanding of others.
I found my mum at the age 19 and everyone has this hearts and flowers dreams that everything is going to be so cosy and live happily ever after.I admit I got my hopes way to high and it didn't work out that way my own fault for building such huge expectations.My mum had a new partner who was the same age as me and a son who was 14 at the time.I was shocked believe then I learnt about other brothers and sisters 2 of whom died as children.I also found out my mum married 4 times and she only kept one of us.At the time that hurt hearing all this and how my nan wanted to adopt me when i was 5 but the system wouldn't let her as my grandad had schizophrenia.We decided to part as no one knew about me where she lived.Must admit it did make me feel like a dirty secret.
I have a 22 year old daughter and I did struggle bringing her up and when she was 5 i had a child who died of a rare disease.I had numerous stays in hospital with this child.It also came out that during these hospital stays something happened to my daughter by my partners brother.Any parent can imagine my reaction especially when your partner sticks up for their brother saying blood is thicker than water.That has always stuck in my head.She is now gay and going through bi-gender issues and we have fallen out due to her view of things but she knows I love her and my door is always open for her.
I also have 11 year old boy who has autism,lots of clashes between brother and sister think to be honest she finds it really hard to deal with it plus her own issues so i can understand that.His dad was a violent man.Typical situation all nice at first feet under the table and things change.Constant calls at work hanging around at work seeing who i talk to.Waiting even if i finished work at midnight for me to cook food while he was drinking and everything else.I always dread the drink guaranteed i knew what was coming next even if i was quiet and didn't speak.Things came to a head when i found out I was pregnant,thinking he'll change and we'll be happy.That was me being naive!If anything things got a whole lot worse to the point i nearly died.Police moved me to a refuge for my own safety and then got moved to two other refuges as he found me the git.No chance of that now as I had to have my name changed for my own safety.
You're probably thinking what's all this got to do with single parents?Simple not all of us decide we're going to scrounge off the taxpayer get free housing etc.There are single parents who do it through no fault of their own,who have had to fight for their life,kids and their own health,getting over nervous breakdowns,depression etc.I have a 24 hour job seven days a week with no paid sick leave or holiday pay.I have fought for everything in my life with no family at all.Its hard work being a single parent as you feel on your own.People are too quick to judge nowadays,what people dont know circumstances make single parents.What I have gone through has made me the person I am today and I think more understanding of people and my children.
At the end of people will still judge whoever you are its the downside of human nature and its perfectly.Maybe we should all take time out to talk to a person instead of judging.I know i've done my best and theres more to come but Im ther 24/7 seven days a week.Would i change the past?Maybe,maybe not the past made me who i am now,hopefully a stronger caring parent.
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